i ran across the saharan desert only to find three hundred substitute PE teachers timidly screaming ineffective words of encouragement like "you can do it" in the middle of the fucking desert while fingering each others mouths with corn bread so i asked why they're doing this because they might as well be dead, holy shit i would kill myself if i was a substitute PE teacher vote for bush because he dodged a shoe back in the day on some 2009 shit. i shot hot sauce up my ass and jumped around to get it mixed inside me and then i died and rode my falcon into hell and when i say falcon i mean my dick and everyone in hell was like oh shit what is that and they see me coming down with these two huge balls it lookes like a failed space shuttle with moss and aids, it is absolutely disgusting. repulsed by such gore, the devil himself bans me from hell and begs god to keep me. not a fucking chance. i am banned to a dimension of non existence. Two places where you're allowed to shoot 12 year olds: Xbox Live and Florida. lol jk one time i flew a paper plane into some kids eye and called it eye one on. sometimes i feel like grabbing a an ice cream cone and beating bernie sanders' ass with it i was walking in the desert and thought the nomads were star wars characters. after the little girl was done with her surgery she said "but doctor im still in wheelchair" and the doctor was like lol april fools. when girls believes in horoscopes and tell me "oh im cancer" i always imagine them being hot school students by day and nasty abnormally large tumors by night. i pin one babys foot to the floor and watch it go around in circles ouch tooo much? honestly im just hungry as balls and i wanna go eat ramen out of the grand tea masters ass lol shit btw you guys better send me sacrifices. i know you will because yall are nasty. my roommate spilled sriracha sauce all over his bed and the walls and he sleeps in a pile of dried up hot sauce mixed with his urine and stuff so you can imagine what it smells like in there