Hey there. I need a bit of advice.

Discussion in 'Philosophy, debate & Politics' started by dino, Jun 10, 2018.

  1. dino

    dino get out of report Legacy Admin

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    Recently, I feel like I've been really toxic and rude to people I know well around me and just being an asshole to people in general. I don't really know what it is, but I would love if you guys gave me tips on how to be a less terrible person to talk with. This mostly includes controlling my temper and having less of a "broad" vocabulary. I may sound cringey, but I genuinely would appreciate this.

    Not seeking professional help, too poor for that and I feel to socially awkward around people IRL.
     
  2. Skeko

    Skeko G*59 Legacy Admin

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    Act like you would talk with your grand mother.
     
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  3. Archaon Everchosen

    Archaon Everchosen Chaos Marks Us All Legacy Admin

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    Dont talk at all is my advice. l'm really easily triggered and my intentions is not always to hurt people but sometimes l actually feel for it just to let my anger out (ok dont listen to me). Anyway l usually rather not speak becuase l'm not the nicest person. Let's say l have people l like and people l dont like and l'm not affraid to show it.
    Alright this might have gone a bit off topic but all l wanna say is that dont talk for a while until you feel better, that's atleast what l try to do and yeah you see how that went for me.
     
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  4. DavisLF3

    DavisLF3 Not a weeb, just retarded. Legacy Admin

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    I might be the right person to talk about that, however, I don't know your level of toxicity. But the rules to change are quite simple:

    - Never be the one who starts "fights"
    - Try to not use insults
    - Don't be salty or, at least, never show it
    - Try to talk in conversations that interest you, or remain silent
    - Don't taunt 24/7

    If you respect those basic rules, you'll not be seen as a toxic guy. However, some people are retarded and won't see that you're willing to change. Don't let them discourage you. I know a lot about that.
     
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  5. Kermitisko

    Kermitisko Member

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    Stop playing for like 3 days. Play some 3+ games.
     
  6. Moo_

    Moo_ me me me Legacy Admin

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    Here is what i suggest on how to be not salty:
    -be silent and mysterious
    -don't respond to someone calling you out
    -ignore people who think that they are better than you
    -maybe distance yourself from those who always talk on the server
    -probably don't try to raise alot of suspision on somone who will target you the whole time
    -try not to expect too much of yourself when it comes to fights
    -dont get too much annoyed about the broken game mechanics
    -ignore those who think that they are better than you
    -don't tell people in the gamechat that you are friendly, just go stay in spawn or try to hide somewhere if you don't want to die

    Here is what i do to not be toxic
    -distance yourself from these friends who like to spam lennys or binds which try to piss people off
    -stay silent
    -maybe don't watch "dank memes"
    -talk alot with nice people like Shotgun
    -try to get a good relationship with people you like on FoG

    And thats basically what i do and suggest
     
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  7. Retro

    Retro Member

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    Someone called a philosopher? At your service! Oh, you didn't want me? Too bad, expressing my opinion anyway :p
    TL;DR version, chapters only. Longer version (Wall of text alert!) with explications and examples below.
    1. You never need to prove anything to anyone. Basics of human behaviour.
    2. Knowing the difference between being emotional, being toxic and being destrucitve.
    3. Keep your distance.
    4.1. Always be aware of your behaviour (you have to know what you are doing and what consequences may follow).
    4.2. Keep the purpose (of your behaviour) in your mind. (Why are you behaving like the way you are?)
    5. Self-manipulation techniques
    6. Inspiration. Emotions are productive.
    7. Stick to people that truely care.
    8. People will always judge. Let them do that.

    1. You never need to prove anything to anyone. Basics of human behaviour
    I mean that literally. Take FOG as an example. We are a gaming community, we like to hang out and enjoy ourselves with some good matches. That doesn't necessarily mean that we know each other personally. You don't need to explain or prove anything to anybody. Try not to feel obligated to defend yourself. People that are skilled enough, will not judge you based on your ingame behaviour. "Skilled people" know about the rules of human behaviour. Knowing the basics of human behaviour is crucial at this point. One thing to remeber is: "Every human being lies (when speaking). What never lies is human behaviour. [The Mentalist, forgot what season this was.] It essentially means that people say a lot of things. The only way to find out the truth is to analyze their behaviour. Only when you realize that you are affecting others negatively although you don't want that to happen, you will be motivated enough to bother with a change of your own behaviour. This seemed to happen with you, good job :) Even if you are one of the more emotional kind, which is not uncommon by the way, don't feel ashamed of it. Why? Let me explain why:

    2. Knowing the difference between being emotional, being toxic and being destructive.
    There is, indeed a very large, difference between those three things. Human beings are emotional by default, so we all are of the first kind "a priori" (a priori = matter of fact by definition). You can't change the fact that you are being bothered, or affected negatively by an event (google pet peeve). What you can control however are your intentions. Being toxic, what you called yourself, means that you are fully aware of your negativity but you choose to say things anyway. That means that you are accepting the fact, that your behaviour inflicts negativity not only upon others (we don't really care about the others, this is about you) but furthermore upon yourself. Your own negativity puts yourself on tilt (self fullfilling prophecy).
    "Being destructive" is another level. It's not only being careless about the risk of negativity taking control over the situation, it means being hurtful to others with the sole purpose of letting the other person feel miserable about him/herself.
    Example: An easy clutch situation has been gifted away by your teammate, you get angry because of that (=being emotional). You say "You are useless (and other things)". This is potentially hurtful. Did you say it because you wanted to show your emotional status (=being toxic) or did you say it so that person feels miserable (=being destructive)? Regardless of the outcome, it is generally a bad idea to say anything negative at this point. You are angry, but you don't need to prove that (remember the first chapter!). Round is over, you died as well, which means you did mistakes and got punished for it, grow up, concentrate on your own mistakes so you are getting better, and keep on trying (remember how I said it is about you, not the others?)

    3. Keep your distance.
    Human beings can be exhausting creatures. Keep your distance. Not only to others, also to yourself. You are not the center of the universe. Other people don't care that you are toxic, or friendly, or depressed, or happy, or what not. They only will judge based on your behaviour. Sidenote: More skilled people regarding "human behaviour" will not judge at all. But you can't really expect everyone to be skilled.

    4.1. Always be aware of your own behaviour.
    Speaking of which. That means that you should be able to see the consequences. You are well aware of that, that is the reason why you want to change I suppose. Superb! You already did a big step mate. Way to go :)

    4.2. Keep the purpose in your mind.
    Every human behaviour follows a purpose (also a basic of human behaviour). A lot of people show their emotions, because they want to communicate how they feel. The harsh truth is: No one cares how you feel. Why? Because we all feel something, duh. If everyone communicates their own feelings you can't be productive. You are not the center of the universe. Try to figure out two things: Why do you cnosider yourself a toxic person? Why are you toxic? Sidenote: I am NOT talking about why you are emotional about something. Remember that human beings are emotional by default. I am talking about your decision of being toxic (chapter 2) at one point.

    5. Self-manipulation techniques
    I don't want to get too technical. You can learn how to manipulate yourself. Some techniques are taught in anger / emotion management courses. If you have questions about that, feel free to ask. I know some techniques. Long story short: You know yourself the best. Abuse that fact to your own advantage.

    6.Inspiration
    This is a big one. Try to figure out if the behaviour of your archetypes can be considered as not toxic (chapter 2). If so try to learn from them. If the previous points all fail, try art. Consume it and let your emotions out. Produce some art: poetry, draw pictures, make music, something. Give your emotions a purpose: You are feeling angry? Well, you obviously can't change or help it. Use it then. Draw a violent picture, make aggressive music, write a cynical poem or a brutal short story. Give your emotions a purpose instead of bothering other people with your outbursts. They can't, won't, and my be don't even want to help you.

    7. Stick to people that truely care.
    It sounds easy. Here is one philosophical question though: Do your friends truely care about you? I don't mean if you think that they care. I mean it literally. Do they truely care? Another harsh truth: You can't really know for sure. You can only tell by their behaviour. This is why it is so important to know the basics of human behaviour (remeber when I said "Every human behaviour follows a purpose." (chapter 4.2), check chapter 1 as well). If you have any questions concerning that, feel free to ask. Stick to people you can tell that they truely care based on their behaviour towards you.

    8. People will always judge.
    You are who you are, and that is totally fine. You don't need to be like this and that. If people think you are extremely toxic, let them take their distance, you don't need them anyway and they certainly don't need you. As long as you are satisfied with yourself it is totally fine. If not, well, congratulations for admitting that. A lot of people won't even do that.
    I wish you the best of luck and a wonderful day. If there are any questions, feel free to ask :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2018
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