I came back to Austria about 6 years ago. The only reason I came back was to study and it was really hard to adapt to this kinda new place again. Since I left everything oversees, again, I just got fed up with finding new friends and just started being by myself most of the time. Had some problems in between as well. Now it is still very hard for me to make friends, not because people are not willing to be friends with me, but because I just don't feel that I can keep up friendships to just lose them afterwards again. It is also really hard for me to express what I feel and open up about to other people. This may seem strange because I chat a lot and love talking, but this is only over the internet. It is much easier for me that way then in person. The place where I study I met some people that I used to consider my friends, especially two of them which hooked up for some time now. Since they hooked up they have had nothing better to do than to talk shit about me constantly, especially when there's other people around. I stopped being friends with them for 2 weeks and then I just started hanging out with them again. This was 2 years ago and last week they disrespected me way too much for me to just forget about it. On Thursday I heard that we had orchestra practice the next day. The problem was that I had to work the next day. I said that I was going to try to find replacement so that I could go to the practice. Instead of accepting that I couldn't just say "screw you work" and go to the practice, they just told me that this is the moment of truth where I had to show my priorities. I told them that I can't just leave work because I wouldn't be able to pay my studies and that I have a lot of bills to pay each month. They just started bullying me about that, not only in front of another friend of mine but also in front of the director. That was the moment where they really got to me. Both of them apparently have no money issues because I see them going to concerts and going out to eat regularly. I can't afford any of these things. They also tell me that I know nothing about music. The thing they don't see it that I study classical guitar and I know more about guitar music then music of composers that didn't compose a single piece for guitar. Also I didn't grew up in a family with musical background and my interest for classical music didn't start that long ago. Their behavior towards me has only lowered my trust in people and even worse, my self esteem. I never speak about my problems to anyone. I feel that putting this out somewhere will help me endure this a little bit, just like speaking with a human about your problems would somehow. Sorry for the long read and the incoherent writing.